She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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