did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
