my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My penis needs a shock collar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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