at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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