what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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