My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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