so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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