so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
