Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
