Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
