i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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