Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
