It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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