Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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