Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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