Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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