its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
