like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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