ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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