Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
