My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
