i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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