So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
