Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
