I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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