What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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