she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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