Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
