when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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