is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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