I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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