Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
