He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
