VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
