Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
