Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
