this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
