i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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