zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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