I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
