I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
