omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
