I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
