i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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