so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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