roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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