i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
