It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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