just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
