What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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