I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
