Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
