the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
