you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's no shave November. This is our time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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