You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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