I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
