She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
accomplished twins. life is a go
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
