on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
