i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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