K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
