This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
honey bunches of taint.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
