He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ttyl tear gas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
