I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
