i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
