I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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