is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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